SUFFOCATE

I don’t know if I can continue to suffocate myself under these waves of affection. I want you to be like the distant sun and leave me all unaware and indifferent to your presence. Instead, you wage a war against me all waxing and waning like our mother’s moon. Pushing and pulling at me as you see fit. When I bring too much to the table, a bounty you don’t have the mouth for, you go hiding yourself all away again.

I’m too much. Too much. Too much. Never enough. I tie myself up, shibari hanging art just for you. Spending all this energy trying to be just the right amount of me for you, that I miss the finer points, lose the tact and flow of docile conversation. I’m trying to teach myself how to be prey. I’d like to know how it feels to be hunted by you. To have you yearn and hunger for me. For your jaw to ache, and mouth water at the thought of the taste of me. Why won’t you let me surrender myself to you?

You made promises in subtle gestures. The firmness of your hands pressed up against me. The eyes that found me wherever I would go. Every soft spoken word a yawing maw of yearning, yet your mouth told me the filthiest lies. You said, no, no, no, even as you laid your hands upon me. They spoke firmly. Yes, yes, yes. Evidence left in sunset shades in the shape of your fingertips. Here I am, all stupid splendor, listening to the shapes your mouth makes, instead of listening to the shape of your hands on my skin. Here I am, an ocean of wonder. All I want to do is share my wondrous bounty with you. I’m too much. Too much. Too much. Never enough.

I’m going to drown you. Sharpen my teeth, and open my gaping maw to pull you in.